Secrets and Lies
by x Conspiracy x
Summary: Lily is stuck… her heart says one thing, but her mind doesn’t want to hurt anyone else. Could a secret relationship develop? Didn’t anyone ever tell her that secrets and lies only cause pain?
1. Disappear

**Secrets and Lies  
Chapter 1: Disappear**

**Summary: Lily is stuck… her heart says one thing, but her mind doesn't want to hurt anyone else. Could a secret relationship develop? Didn't anyone ever tell her that secrets and lies only cause pain? **

**Rating: PG to PG-13… you never know. **

**Disclaimer: If for some strange reason you thought I owned any of this…well you're dumb… hehe, just kidding… but I still don't so … yeah**

**A/N: Hello, all. This is my first official RFR fic… I've been writing "The O.C." for a while now if any of ya'll are interested…check them out!… but this is my FIRST actual RFR… so, read, review, tell me what you think! Oh, the song is Disappear by Hoobastank… great song... **

"Can you honestly tell me we have a good reason for being here?" Lily sighed turning around and focusing her gaze on Ray. "This is pretty much the worst music I have ever heard in my entire life. I say we ditch and go to Mickey's."

"I agree with Lily," Travis spoke. "School dances never were, and never will be my 'thing'."

"Oh come on guys, have some fun!" Ray yelled, trying to talk over the music. "We never do stuff like this! I mean, it's the first dance of the year, and we just won the biggest football game too! Go Cougars!"

"Ray's right… it _is _the first dance. After this, you two can be your normal, boring selves and go back to meditating and playing the guitar. But for now, just pretend to be normal teenagers; it's fun!" Robbie interjected, trying to get Lily and Travis dancing.

"5…4…3…2…1," Travis counted and on one both his and Lily's hands flew instinctively to their ears as the entire gym filled with the loud chanting of pretty much the entire student body.

_"To the windowwwwwwww (to the window), to the wall (to the wall) till the sweat drips down my balls!" _The entire gym chanted.

"Okay, it's safe guys," Ray replied, rolling his eyes, as he stopped singing.

"That song is so disturbing… you'd think they could play better music here? And with less…disturbing lyrics. Couldn't the sweat drip down his… forehead?" Lily ranted. "I'm so in the mood for some good emo right now."

"Lily, Lily, you must _embrace _the music. Be _one _with the music. Lil' Jon is danceable music. Dance Lily, dance!" Ray joked, grabbing her arms and moving them in the ultimate hip-hop motion of "waving your hands in the air like you just don't care".

"And this song is highly degrading," Travis added, "To all these bitches crawl? You think they could be a little less vulgar?"

"Trav, it's a _song_," Robbie said, wrapping his arm around his shoulder. "Like Ray said, embrace it!"

Lily shook Ray off just as the song ended and a slower, mellower one that she could deal with came on. Immediately Ray dropped her arms and recoiled to the wall. Travis gave Ray a look that clearly said 'why aren't you asking her to dance?'. Ray saw the look and shook his head, taking a few steps toward Travis.

"Swami, I can't ask her to dance," Ray whispered. "You don't get it… what if she says no? Travis… no… I… no." He finished and turned and walked out of the room.

"Then I will," Travis said to himself, and turned to Lily. "Well, since they're kind of forcing us to stay… would you like to dance?"

"Sure," Lily replied, and wrapped her arms around Travis' neck. "Besides, this isn't a _half _bad song. At least they're not playing _The Reason._"

"Yeah," he agreed, looking down at her as he listened to the lyrics of the song.

_There's a pain that sleeps inside_

_It sleeps with just one eye_

_And awakens the moment that you're here_

_Though I try to look away_

_The pain it still remains only leaving  
When you're next to me_

Lily looked up at Travis, taking in all of his features. She just now realized how good looking he _really _was. He was dressed for a dance, in kaki pants and a black turtleneck sweater. Instead of the usual spikes his hair usually wore, he didn't really _do _anything to it tonight and it hung down right above his eyebrows, and around his ears. His eyes sparkled in the dim lighting, and his smile could light up the entire room. She leaned in closer to him, feeling his toned body against hers, and immediately wanting to stay like this forever.

_Do you know that every time your near_

_Everybody else seems far away_

_So can you come and make them disappear_

_Make them disappear and we can stay_

Travis looked down at Lily, her beauty taking him aback. He had noticed her before, but never to this extent. The first time he saw her, he just wanted to hold her in his arms, and never let go. Then he got to know her, a little, and the feelings grew stronger. But then he got to know Ray. He knew how much, and how long Ray had liked Lily and couldn't even think about doing that to him. So he pushed the feelings away, trying his best not to act on them, although he had slipped a few times. But tonight he felt the feelings he hadn't felt in the longest time rise, and resurface. He just wanted to hold her like this for the rest of the night.

_So I stand and look around_

_Distracted by the sounds_

_Of everyone and everything I see_

_And I search through every face_

_Without a single trace_

_Of the person the person that I need_

Lily rested her head on Travis' shoulder, breathing in his scent, skimming the back of his neck with her fingers and sending chills down his spine. She didn't know the affect she had on him, nor did he know the affect he had on her. Lily's eyes fell shut as they danced in silence, but soon pulled her head up to look him in the eyes again. A slight blush covered her cheeks as she reached up and played with his hair a bit.

"I like it this way," she told him. "You should wear it like this more often."

"I… I'll take that into consideration," Travis sputtered, his heart racing. "I like you hair that way too." He added, playing with her hair that hung down around her face.

Lily rolled her eyes and laughed, considering this is how she wore it quite often. "I'll take that into consideration too," she replied, placing her hand back on his shoulder.

_Do you know that every time your near_

_Everybody else seems far away_

_So can you come and make them disappear_

_Make them disappear and we can stay_

_Can you make them disappear_

_Make them disappear_

Robbie watched the two from the wall, unable to deny their chemistry, but also unable to stop feeling anger towards Travis. After all, Ray _was _his best friend, and had liked Lily for the longest time. Now Travis just swoops in and pretty much sweeps Lily off her feet. Shaking his head, he decided to go find Ray and keep him occupied, so he wouldn't see this whole scene unfolding.

He rushed out into the hallway just in time, seeing Ray about to walk through the doors.

"Hey, Ray!" Robbie called, standing right in his way. "What do you say we go…um… to Mickey's! Lily and Travis where right, this dance is lame!"

"You're just saying that because you don't have anyone to _dance _with," Ray joked. "Aw, is poor Robbie jealous of all those couples out there?"

"Haha, funny Ray," Robbie deadpanned. "No, I'm just saying, who wants to see a ton of people making out and grinding with each other to rap music. Not me, thank you very much."

"Robbie, come on," Ray said, pushing past his friend. "Only another like…hour left…"

"Ray wait-" he started but found himself too late because Ray had already been lost in the crowd. "Well, at least he won't find Lily and Travis in that mass of people."

_There's a pain that sleeps inside_

_It sleeps with just one eye_

_And awakens the moment that your near_

_And I search through every face_

_Without a single trace_

_Of the person, the person that I need_

Lily gazed into Travis' eyes, drowning in their deep blue, losing herself in the mystique. Without thinking, or considering the repercussions, she placed her hand on the back of his neck and pulled his lips to hers in an innocent, but passionate kiss.

_Do you know that every time your near_

_Everybody else seems far away_

_So can you come and make them disappear_

_Make them disappear and we can stay_

Travis' mind was swirling in circles, as he became lost in the girl he had considered his best friend for the past year or so. Now all he could think about was how wonderful her lips felt against his. He didn't want this moment to end, but knew it must when he felt her pull away.

Lily looked once again into his eyes. Someone wise once told her that you can see deep into someone's soul through their eyes. That wise person was now staring deeply into her own. Taking a breath she closed her eyes and leaned in for another, but abruptly pulled away when she heard a voice that she didn't know how she could deal with.

"What the hell is going on?" Ray's voice echoed through both of their ears.

Travis stepped away from Lily, as the last few notes of the song played. "Look, Ray, we were just dancing," he explained, then added quickly, "as friends."

He looked over, seeing the hurt in Lily's eyes when he added those last few words. Oh, how it killed him inside to see her like this, but he knew that it would cause Ray so much more pain than it would her. Besides, he could talk to her later and explain. Certainly she would understand, but Ray on the other hand was a different story. If he said anything remotely close to hinting that he liked Lily, or that they had kissed, Ray would hate him and hate between any of the four teens could cause a crash in RFR, and that's NOT what they needed now.

"You know what, guys," Lily spoke. "I- I think I'm gonna go. I'll see you on Monday. Bye." She finished and ran out the door before either of the two boys could get another word in.

"What did you do to her Swami?" Ray asked, anger rising in her voice.

"I didn't do anything, Ray," he replied, calmly, still watching where she ran out the door. "But there is something you can do."

"And what's that?" he asked, curiously.

"Tell her how you feel," he explained, every word killing him inside. He wanted to be the one to tell Lily how _he _felt. How he thought about her every day, and how good they would be together. How when he held her in his arms, he couldn't be happier, and never wanted those moments to end. And how when they kissed… he felt things he had never felt before in his _life. _But he couldn't. No, Ray had to first. If, and only if, she turned Ray down, and he accepted it, he would tell her. Until then… he just had to be patient and live for the stolen kisses, soft touches, and deep conversations. Like the quote said…if you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was and always will be yours. If it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with. "If you never let her know _your_ feelings, you will never know what her true feelings are."

"Thanks man," Ray said, putting his hand on Travis' back. "But, you don't understand. I can't tell her. You don't know how many times I've tried, it's not quite that simple. Something always happens… it's like she isn't supposed to know. I don't know why, but I just can't."

Travis sighed. "It's all you can do, Ray. Otherwise, someone else might come up and steal her from right under your nose."

Ray just looked at him, not speaking, but Travis knew what he was thinking. He knew that Ray had never thought about it that way before.

"Well, I better get going," Travis told him, patting him on the back. "Remember what I said…" And with those words, he was gone. As soon as he reached the outside, he broke into a sprint. He didn't need to give Ray any more words of wisdom… and he needed to see Lily. She knew she wouldn't be at home, or at Micky's alone. So he hurried to the only place he knew she would be… the station.

**A/N: So, that's my story… like it? Hate it? Love it? Well, get reviewing then! Tell me whatever… sometimes telling an author their story is crap helps them :-) I said sometimes… haha next chapter due up soon hopefully… this is a write as I go type thing, so… who knows! I have it mapped out though, don't worry!**


	2. Undiscovered

**Secrets and Lies  
Chapter 2: Undiscovered**

**Summary: Lily is stuck… her heart says one thing, but her mind doesn't want to hurt anyone else. Could a secret relationship develop? Didn't anyone ever tell her that secrets and lies only cause pain? **

**Rating: PG to PG-13… you never know. **

**Disclaimer: If for some strange reason you thought I owned any of this…well you're dumb… hehe, just kidding… but I still don't so … yeah**

**A/N: Hello again, thanks to everyone who reviewed! Keep it up! The song in this chapter is _Undiscovered_by Ashlee Simpson. Read and Review por favor!? haha sry, I had originally posted Unreachable as the song, LoL, although that IS a song by her, it isn't this one! Thanks to Trish and Jeffy 4ever for catching that! LoL**

Travis stopped at the steps to the underground, taking a moment to catch his breath before he went in. The sounds of Dashboard Confessional filled his ears as his hand gripped the handle, and now he was sure Lily was in there. She had said earlier that night she could go for some "good emo", and that's exactly what she was doing. She was drowning herself in the lyrics, trying to relate every word to her very life… just then the music stopped abruptly and a new voice replaced the whiney one of vocalist Chris Carrabba.

_Take it back take it all back now_

_The things I gave _

_Like the taste of my kiss on you lips_

_I miss that now_

_I cant try any harder than I do_

_All the reasons I gave_

_Excuses I made for you_

_Are broken in two_

Travis let go of the door handle, and listened to the words of the new artist, Ashlee Simpson, blare over the stereo. This time, it seemed, unlike the Dashboard lyrics, that these actually _did _relate to her life and his. God, why was he such a fool…and a coward none-the-less? Why couldn't he just go in there and tell her his feelings? What was so difficult about that?

_All the things left undiscovered_

_Leave me empty and left to wonder_

_I need you_

_All the things left undiscovered_

_Leave me waiting and left to wonder_

_I need you, yeah I need you_

_Don't walk away_

Reaching once again for the handle, this time he actually cracked the door open, and saw Lily sitting at her normal spot, tears slipping down her cheeks. Travis wanted to cry himself. She thought that kiss meant nothing to him… she thought he just wanted to be friends. He had to talk to her… tell her the truth. But…he couldn't do that to Ray… no, he wouldn't do that to him.

_Touch me now how I wanna feel something so real_

_Please remind me, my love, take me back_

_Cause I'm so in love with what we were_

_I'm not breathing I'm suffocating _

_Without you, do you feel it too?_

Lily sat in her usual chair in the station, letting the words of the song fill her head. Why couldn't Travis feel the same way she did? Why did he only want to be friends? Maybe she should just accept it. Maybe she should just try and get back to the way they used to be… What happened to that? They used to tell each other everything… but ever since that first kiss, things have been so much different. God, she needed to talk to him.

_All the things left undiscovered_

_Leave me waiting and left to wonder_

_I need you_

_All the things left undiscovered_

_Leave me empty and left to wonder_

_I need you, yeah I need you_

Finally, after a minute or so of waiting and listening to Lily, Travis couldn't take it anymore. He opened the door and walked over to her, instinctively wrapping his arms around her in a loving hug. For moments they sat there, just feeling comfortable in the other's warm embrace. Finally Travis broke away, tears brimming his eyes.

"I am so sorry Lily," he whispered, wiping her tears away with his thumb. "Lily I… I…" He stopped. There it was, the thing Ray had been talking about. He couldn't say it… he couldn't get it out. He couldn't tell Lily how he felt.

Before he knew it though, Lily had pressed her lips against his for the second time tonight. His heart raced, as he pulled her closer, responding immediately to the kiss. Once again, he never wanted this moment to end. He wanted to hold her in his arms forever, and just know that she would always be there. He wanted this more than anything in the world… but there was still a problem… Ray.

_When I'm in the dark and all alone_

_Dreaming that you'll walk right through my door_

_It's then I know my heart is whole_

_There's__ a million reasons why I cry_

_Pull my covers tight and close my eyes_

_Cause I don't wanna be alone_

Travis pulled away, and said the words that he knew he would regret for a long, long time. "Lily, we can't do this."

Tears quickly reformed in her eyes, falling faster than the before. She wanted this so bad. In her heart, her soul, her mind… she knew Travis might just be "the one". Never before had she believed that there was someone out there _made_ for you, but now she did. Everything told her that Travis was that man… the one she was supposed to be with. But he wasn't allowing it.

When she didn't say anything, Travis continued. "Lily, you have to know, I care about you very deeply. And as much as I shouldn't, I want to be with you too. But…I can't do that to Ray. Ray has liked you…well, ever since I met you three. If anything happens between us, it could put RFR in danger. So, there is no other way we can do this. Lily, we can't be together."

"But I don't _want _to be with Ray!" she shouted. "Travis, I want to be with you! Even if we weren't together, I still wouldn't be with Ray! Travis…"

"I'm sorry Lily, but this…we can't happen," he replied, standing up. "I'm sorry." And with those last few words, and tears threatening to burst any moment, he headed for the door and left the station, leaving Lily with only her music and tears.

_All the things left undiscovered_

_Leave me waiting and left to wonder_

_I need you_

_All the things left undiscovered _

_Leave me empty and left to wonder _

_I need you, I need you_

Lily sat, staring blankly at the door minutes after Travis exited. She lost him… and all because Ray had some silly crush on her. She lost Travis, and things definitely would never be the same. Wiping her tears away, she picked up her cell phone and dialed.

"Mom," she said when she heard the familiar voice on the other end. "I'm going to stay at the station tonight, okay? I'll see you tomorrow. Love you too. Bye."

Closing the phone, she stood up and headed over to the little refrigerator they kept there. A can of Sprite, a few slices of pizza that were there for God knows how long, and a Snickers bar were the only things to choose from. After deciding the Sprite was her safest bet, she grabbed it and headed over to the couch. Tonight was going to be a long one.

_Cause I can't fake and I can't hate_

_But it's my heart that's about to break_

_You're all I need I'm on my knees_

_Watch me bleed would you listen please_

_I give in, I breathe out_

_I want you, there's no doubt_

_I freak out, I'm left out_

_Without you, I'm without_

_I'm crossed out, I'm kicked out_

_I cry out, I reach out_

_Don't walk away, don't walk away_

_Don't walk away, don't walk away_

Travis walked solemnly down the street, finally letting his tears escape. Why did he do that? Why couldn't he just risk having Ray mad for a little? He would surely get over it…wouldn't he? After all, Ray and Lily were such good friends; there was nothing that could break that bond.

Travis finally stopped, but was nowhere near his house. It was the spot he and Lily used to come when one of them needed to talk; they told each other almost _everything. _He loved just lying there, talking about stupid little things like how dumb Ray acted on the show today, or deep things, like when he thought he had to move again.

Lying down in the grass, at his usual spot, he sighed. He had to leave Lily be. She would find happiness with Ray… or some other guy. Seeking a future, or even just a fling with her would only hurt RFR. What if Ray never got over her? What if they broke up? It would put it in sever danger, and he would _not _let that happen. They worked too hard to have it all come crashing down.

Closing his eyes, he let his final tears slide down his cheeks. He wouldn't shed anymore tears for what couldn't be…he couldn't. Unless Ray suddenly got over Lily, there was nothing he could do, and crying wouldn't help. Besides, his father had always told him that men don't cry… it was a sign of weakness. Well, Travis had a weakness…just one thing that could make him do the impossible, and now, he was giving her up.

After sitting for a while, his eyes began to feel heavy, shutting ever so slightly with every moment. Seconds later he was fast asleep in the middle of the park.

**A/N: So this chapter was shorter… but that doesn't mean fewer reviews! Keep em up guys! Tell me what you think! **


	3. Irresistible

**Secrets and Lies  
Chapter 3: Irresistible**

**Summary: Lily is stuck… her heart says one thing, but her mind doesn't want to hurt anyone else. Could a secret relationship develop? Didn't anyone ever tell her that secrets and lies only cause pain?**

**Rating: PG-13… I know guys; it's getting worse… hmm… oh well!**

**Disclaimer: Yeah, I still own absolutely NOTHING… too bad, too bad. **

**A/N: You know, I love reviews! You guys are so nice! Keep them up please :)!**

* * *

Travis' eyes blinked open as he felt his body being soaked by rain. Quickly he stood up, his heavy clothes were sopping wet, and he was beyond freezing. Without thinking, he ran to the closest place he knew to find shelter.

Stumbling through the door to the Underground, he fumbled for the light switch but found the bulb had blown out. Before he did anything else, though, he pulled his soaked sweater over his head and hung it over a chair. He wasn't going to freeze while he searched for a working light. Finally as he reached the tech booth he found a small light and turned it on. It only lit up the booth itself, but it was good enough for him at the moment. Pulling his wet pants off, leaving him only in his boxers, he searched the room for the extra clothes he _usually _left here but they were nowhere in sight. But when he turned around he saw exactly where they were…

"Lily," he gasped, noticing her standing there in only _his _boxers and _his _beater "Wh-what are you doing here?"

"Shouldn't I ask you the same," she replied, taking in the sight of Travis' muscled body. "It's almost two in the morning and you're just walking in here stripping, and dripping water all over the equipment! What if you broke something?"

"Well it's almost two in the morning and you're wearing my clothing, which, by the way, I need," he shot back.

"Well, you'll have to pry them off of me if you want them so badly," she shot. "Besides, you still didn't answer me!"

"I asked you first!" he attempted arguing. It wasn't working. Finally after a few moments of silence, he spoke again. "Are you just going to stand there or are you going to give me my clothes back?"

"You really want me to do that _right _now?" she asked flirtatiously, taking a few steps closer to him. The events from earlier that had clouded both their minds until they fell asleep had vanished and were replaced with this sexual tension that neither had felt before. She wanted Travis… she _needed _him right now.

Travis shut his eyes, trying not to acknowledge the barely dressed girl within inches of his own barely dressed body. It wasn't working, so he took a step back, tripping over a cord and bringing Lily down with him. Now there she was, half naked lying on top of him in a dark room. This couldn't end up anywhere remotely positive…

Before he could speak, though, he felt her lips pressing furiously against his, filled with passion, desire, lust, and… love? He wasn't sure, but he knew there was _nothing _that would stop this now. He certainly couldn't, and it didn't look like she was about to either.

His arms instinctively wrapped around her waist, and hers wandered up and down his toned body. No less than a minute later, though, Lily had pulled away and was just lying there, staring at him. Finally she spoke.

"That's _got _to be uncomfortable," she stated, smiling down at him lying on top of wires and the hard floor. She stood up, pulling his arms to help him stand too. "Now where were we?" She questioned as she pulled his lips back to hers, slowly sitting down on the couch.

Travis didn't hesitate. He knew it was wrong… knew it would kill Ray if he found out, knew he and Lily weren't even 17 years old yet and shouldn't be doing… _this _let alone anything else he was imagining, and knew that just earlier he had sworn her off… but this all just felt so perfect. There was nothing capable of stopping him tonight…

Slowly, Travis turned and laid Lily down beneath him. Her hands explored his body, making him shiver with every touch as his hand slid up and down her back, under the beater. Finally he settled one on the small of her back and propped himself up with the other. Pulling away for a moment, he took a deep breath, just taking in her beauty. Before he could say anything though, Lily had captured his lips with hers once again. Her hands moved down his back, and reached his boxers. Tugging on them was the signal to Travis that he had to stop this… they were only 16… and Ray.

"Lily," he breathed, pulling away. "We're only sixteen. Maybe we should reconsider."

But she wouldn't take no for an answer. No, she wanted this…and she knew he did too. She pulled his head down, inches away from hers. "I need you Travis," she whispered and placed a soft kiss on his lips, then traveled down his neck to his collarbone.

Travis let out a small moan, knowing he couldn't stop this… he wanted it just as much as she did. He felt pressure building up inside of him, as she pulled his boxers down, and knew this was definitely happening. In one swift motion, he pulled away from her kiss and lifted thebeater over her head, before meeting her lips again. Reaching down, he grabbed the legs of the boxers she was wearing and slid them off too.

Travis pulled away one last time, looking down and admiring the beautiful girl that lay under him. "Are you sure you want this to happen, Lily?" he _had _to ask. There was no way he could do this if she was going to regret it later.

"More than anything," she replied and began kissing him again…

Lily's eyes blinked open in the sunlight, a smile plastered to her face feeling Travis' strong arms wrapped around her. She turned her head to look up at him.

"Morning," he said groggily. "Nice rest?"

"Wonderful," she replied, kissing him. "Yours?"

"I prefer _before _the sleep," he joked, kissing her again.

"I think I have to agree on that one," she stated, pulling the blanket they had gotten last night tighter. "Burr, it's cold in here."

Travis rubbed his hands up and down her arms in an attempt at warming her up. It worked a little, but for the most part, the station just needed more heat.

"Mmmmm," she sighed, "What time is it?"

"Hmm…good question," Travis agreed, reaching to the table behind them to grab his cell. "It's almost noon…wait… noon? It's Saturday! Ray and Robbie will be here to meet us in… less than a minute!"

Both Lily and Travis jumped up as they heard footsteps coming towards the station. Quickly they grabbed their clothes and ran into the tech booth to get dressed.

"Yeah, so, then he said 'that was _my _drink!'," Ray exclaimed bursting through the door, attempting to tell another joke. Robbie rolled his eyes and flopped down on the couch.

Travis looked through the window at their two friends, then turned to Lily. "We can't tell them about…us," he whispered. "Especially Ray. It would kill him."

"You don't think I know that?" she replied, also in a whispered. "What do we tell them, though?"

"Just say I was showing you some new CD's I got and didn't see them come in, okay?" he explained, then after her approval, stood up and opened the door.

"Hey guys," Travis greeted them. "What's up?"

"Nothing, how long have you guys been here?" Robbie asked, noticing the concerned look on Ray's face when the two walked out of the booth together.

"Oh, Trav was just showing me some new CD's he picked up for the show. They're pretty good," she explained, almost _too _convincingly.

"Cool," Ray replied with a sigh of relief. "So what did you guys want to do today?"

"Mickey's?" Robbie suggested. After all agreeing to their normal tradition, they headed down the street…only two of them knowing what exactly went on in that room last night…

* * *

**A/N: Okay…so I made Travis and Lily go a _little _farther than planned… I couldn't help it. I mean, you don't see that happening in many fics because a lot of people think it's too young. Personally, so do I, I think you should wait till marriage. But unfortunately these days this _is _occurring between people 16, 17, and even younger!! So…that's what I did with it. If you didn't like it, keep the flames in the stove where they belong. Review por favor **


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